top of page


Updated: Aug 31, 2021

This is a pattern I've seen quite often in my high-achieving, women clients.

It is exhausting. And you can change it.

Behaviors and thoughts that reflect this pattern might look like:

  • "I can't do this project perfectly, so I should wait until I have enough time." (There's never enough time). Worry for days about the impending project then pull an all-nighter to get it done the day it's due. Then beat one's self up about the quality of the work.

  • "I will end up obsessing over drafts of this paper, so I should wait until I'm up against a deadline to limit how much time I have to obsess about whether it's good enough."

  • "The last time I had a presentation, someone gave me negative feedback. I beat myself up about it for days. That won't happen again. I will work harder this time." Then work for hours and hours, with negative, racing thoughts: "Why are you such an idiot; why is this so hard for you; why aren't you better at this, etc." Avoid doing the work to avoid hearing these inner thoughts.

This suffering often happens in silence.

To change this dynamic, it takes:

  • Cultivating your inner confidence, inner knowing, and self-compassion;

  • Coming into a different relationship with your inner critic;

  • Understanding the mindsets that undergird this pattern;

  • Confronting the fear that failure will result if this pattern loosens;

  • Practicing incremental shifts that disrupt these patterns.

I’ve walked myself through this as well as numerous clients. Are you ready to change this pattern in favor of a more life-giving inner world? Reach out.

33 views0 comments


bottom of page